As I’ve mentioned before, sometimes I have a difficult time letting others into my  bubble. As much as I need to make deposits into the emotional bank accounts of others, I also need to learn how to allow deposits to be made into my own account. Currently, I am learning how to forgive and forget, and acknowledging the positive energy that others are pointing in my direction.

This post is about my mom. I have struggled with feelings of resentment towards my mom for various reasons, none of them substantial enough to warrant any of those negative feelings. If I’m honest, I think that I just needed someone to blame for my own insecurities, and my mom perked up as being the scapegoat that made the most sense. Slowly, as I’ve begun to evolve as a person, I’ve been able to let these resentments go and appreciate and love my mother for the remarkable person that she is. Yeah, she made mistakes with me growing up, but she’s only human and she is allowed to make mistakes. I am an adult, and it is also up to me if I want parenting strategies to affect who I am. Looking back on my childhood, my mom always had our best interest at heart. Selfless and committed to our well being and growth as capable and passionate adults, my mom truly deserves an award. I realize that tomorrow is father’s day, but since my mom did the job of two parents I feel this post is exceptionally fitting at this time. She has also been a huge supporter of this blog, and I have yet to properly mention or thank her in any of my posts. This one will make up for it.

My mother bravely divorced my father when I was 5 years old (and for that I am forever thankful), and took myself and my siblings away to live with her. Although we initially lived in poverty, I was never conscious of the fact because my mom did such an excellent job of concealing the truth of our situation from us. Despite the stress of being a single parent of three young children, my mom went back to university to receive her masters with the help of a student loan  (it is my intention to not only get myself out of dept, but to also get my mother out of debt so that she can retire in the next two years – and not in the next 6 as she confided to me over the phone). On top of all of this, she also had to cope with parenting a child with severe depression (myself) and a child with ADHD (my sister) all on her own. Despite all of these challenges, my mother time and time again sacrificed her own dreams to make sure that ours came true. She speaks about my siblings and myself with enormous pride and love. I can feel the warmth exuding off of her whenever I am in her presence.

Despite knowing all of this deep down, my desire to be the victim created a desire in me to seek out all of the reasons why it made sense to resent her. We create our own realities. As I dive further and further into the rabbit hole, I’m beginning to understand how true this really is. There is so much in my life that I have chosen not to see or acknowledge – I previously wasn’t able to acknowledge that I did/do have friends, that I am smart, and that I am capable of both abundance and greatness.

Only now, at 23, can I truly appreciate how lucky I am for all that I have in my life.  I am especially lucky to have her as a mom. I am truly blessed.