No one can tell me that I’m not beautiful, unless that’s what I believe.” – Jackie Kai Ellis

Last night I attended Urban Campfire – a Crave Vancouver event. I had dinner with a room full of strong and powerful female entrepreneurs, heard their stories, and bonded over marsh mellows dipped in crème brûlée. It was a magical evening.

The stories that were shared – finding solace during menopause when books on that topic are found in the ‘ailments and disorders’ section of the book store; a women’s experience through a hysterectomy; several stories about the shame experienced after a miscarriage (or multiple miscarriages); a story of growth after losing a father to suicide – were incredibly brave. I could feel my heart beating in rhythm with the women in the room. I felt connected.

After dinner we had a dance party (hosted by Theresa ‘Tree’ Walsh of mytreehousevision.com). We started with an apprehensive chicken dance and ended by getting down and flowy with a hip hop number – a room full of women moving fluidly with the music and striking a pose when appropriate. I had SO much fun.

The theme of the evening: Own Your Style.

What does it mean to own your style? I wrote that question at the top of my notebook. To me owning your style means owning your shape – owning the space that you take up in the world and deciding to deliberately take that space up in an empowered way.

I’m just now learning what I love to wear. I’m just now beginning to see myself as beautiful. I’m just now finding the courage to love myself; to forgive myself for my faults, imperfections and the many ways that I fall short.

“How can I be uniquely myself in the way that I help myself and help others?” asked Theresa ‘tree’ Walsh

I don’t know. I felt immediately discouraged.

“I feel like a fraud. Someone who just takes, takes, takes… and doesn’t do an enormous amount of giving.” 

Feeling down, I wrote that at the top of the first draft of this blog post.

The Positivity Project. That’s the name of my blog… but I’m not always positive. I make so many mistakes. I can get so preoccupied by my thoughts that I don’t always see and appreciate the love and support that others so selflessly give in my direction.

I fell short yesterday and didn’t follow through with a ‘thank you.’ I immediately went into blame. “I’ll never change.” The victim I’ve worked so hard to overcome over the last year reared her ugly head.

What’s my style?

My style is not victim. I decided this as I wrote my apology – acknowledging my mistake and offering a ‘sorry.’

My style used to be decorated with insecurities and failures. I wore my dislike for myself on my sleeve. My smile begged for your approval. It’s true. I did just take, take, take. That was my story. That was my style. It doesn’t still have to be.

My style is Powerful, Passionate, Playful, Engaged and Safe; the five words that I chose when working through The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte. The word ‘safe’ reminds me that no matter how boldly I fight, I’ll always have friends there to support me.

That means giving back. That means supporting my friends as they boldly assert themselves. That means being brave not just for myself but for others. That means owning my style not just so I can say what I want to say, but so others can say what they need to say. My style is immersive, open and welcoming. My style is inclusive.

What else?

My style is engaged and deliberate. My style is professional and goofy, creative and slick, modern and vintage. My style is romantic. My style is colourful. My style is daring.

At the same time… my style is not loud. My style is in the details; better one on one than in a group. My style is usually quiet and introspective, but not always. My style is present and happy to listen. My style is curious. My style evolves, screws up, and makes mistakes.

My style is imperfect, comfortable, and sexy. I love my style because it is fluid – my style reminds me that I’m not just one thing, but that I am capable of change and true growth. I am capable of learning from my mistakes and moving forward.

My Conclusion

I learned a lot from Urban Campfire. As each woman took the stage, bravely sharing her story, the room started to relax. A courage evolved as stories were shared across the tables that normally never would have had the experience of being voiced. There were so many smile. I think we all crave that connection.

Of course we all want to tell our own stories, but I think we also crave the stories of others. The imperfect stories that remind us that we’re not actually alone – everyone makes mistakes – and that we’re all in this together.

“How can I be uniquely myself in the way that I help myself and help others?” I just want to repeat that question from Theresa ‘tree’ Walsh, and ask this too: 

What’s your style and how do you flaunt it? How do  you use it? Why do you love it?

Learn more about Urban Campfire and the Crave Network: www.facebook.com/craveurbancampfire